i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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