my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
