Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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