Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.