I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.