I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
