Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
