I think I won the penis lottery.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.