I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i will never coherently bang her
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?