ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
