oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
