As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
