Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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