Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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