great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
