i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
