Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
