they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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