it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As shirtless as possible
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
