lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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