all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
