The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
