No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
