I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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