you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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