If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
