A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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