I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???