I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.