Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.