I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.