He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
