I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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