i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
