please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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