i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
