does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
