The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
