I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
