I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
