No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
