my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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