Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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