there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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