He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
