You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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