You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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