I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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