She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.