My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.