He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking