he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!