so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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