So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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