i just had sex bonerless
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
