i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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