Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
