MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
