oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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