Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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