it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
