goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
