You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
