He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
