I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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