where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
