I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
