she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
