i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
