I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
