i think my mom watched the whole time
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
