I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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