Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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