the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
